It’s been a fascinating week of readings and healings. Literally every person I’ve worked with this last week has been struggling with simply being themselves. It manifests in different ways, but the bottom line is the same: sometimes you don’t think it’s okay to be you in all of your Authentic Self glory. The myriad of complaints clients were bringing to me these last several days boil down to the same issue.
Why Do You Choose to Struggle?
I’m surprised I went with that lead, because for decades I didn’t know I had a choice. I didn’t understand that every millisecond of my day didn’t require me to struggle. I did not know that it was okay to choose myself, my happiness, my wellness, my goals. I didn’t understand that I had a choice.
And these were the things I heard all week in sessions: "I can’t just be me. It’s just the way it is." Hmmm…
Underlying circumstances aren’t necessarily a choice. But struggle IS a choice.
Why do you choose to struggle, to make things more difficult than they need to be? You have to be getting some sort of benefit for allowing this dynamic to continue. Is the benefit no effort on your part? Is the benefit that you don’t have to think about the elephant in the room?
Then it’s a matter of how you see yourself. Is it a self-love issue? Is it a self-respect issue? Do you think you’re not worthy of peace, of not having to struggle?
Hmmm...might be onto something here.
Have you stopped to consider that it’s perfectly okay to just be you? To make choices and decisions that are for your benefit, first and foremost? That’s not being self-absorbed nor selfish. You expressing who you are is not selfish.
Everytime you get frustrated or downright grumpy that you’re having to change your schedule or wants to appease your partner, your kids, your fill-in-the-blank...have you stopped for just a moment to realize that you are making a choice? Literally stop for a moment and let that sink in. You get to make a choice with every single action you take and every single word you speak. By denying your needs and wants - either consciously or merely out of habit - you are choosing to put yourself second. You are choosing to have others expect you to come second. You are teaching others to put you second.
So why aren’t you choosing you?
Yes, I get it - you have commitments to family, friends, work, school. But can you find a way to dance with yourself and those commitments? I guarantee you there’s a way to do it. Sometimes you just have to get creative about it. Find your footing, find the music, relax into a new rhythm. Relax into simply being you.
Oh, But What If They Get Mad?
Ah! There’s the crux of it: people pleasing. It’s okay to not meet everyone else’s expectations of you in any given moment; you are giving away your personal power if you cater to everyone else’s needs but your own.
You cannot help ANYONE if you’re not taking care of yourself first. It’s not selfish. It’s not letting others down. It’s a choice. You’re choosing you. You’re choosing self-care. You’re choosing to set an example of how you wish to be treated. How you wish to interact with those around you.
You are allowed to do this. I give you permission.
Yes, if your loved ones get grumpy that you’re suddenly not meeting their every wish like before...congratulations! You’re doing it right! You’re setting boundaries. You are choosing to take care of yourself first in order to be more present for them. In order to be the “better” parent, friend, employee, student. You must be taking care of yourself first before you can take care of any other person.
Choices Can Flow and Grow
You must remember that you are choosing not only yourself, but how you are going to be interacting with those around you. Choosing what type of day you’re going to experience. Choosing the soul-satisfying path in any circumstance that gets thrown your way.
By making a concerted effort to choose taking care of yourself, you allow yourself space for The Pause. To reassess and see where your power is in the moment. To find the voice to express that power. To choose your soul. Again, see how practicing one element of this sequence leads to perfect positioning to practice the next element?
You have permission to do what you need to do to be whole. You have permission to choose what is best for you. In making these choices, you in turn choose to be more present in every single relationship in your life. Every single one. You choose to engage with mindfulness in every interaction you have. You’re choosing how you want to live in this world.
That’s how the magick spreads.
You’re now setting an example of not only how you wish to be treated, but how others can discover to choose themselves first in order to choose more wisely for themselves in every other aspect of their lives.
I’m sure you’ve noticed that I keep repeating the same phrases over and over in this post. This is a deliberate choice I’m making. I want to drill this idea, this concept not only into your head but your heart as well as your soul.
Because you are worth it. You are worthy of being yourself.
You Have Permission to Choose Wisely
It takes practice. Yes, it can be extremely uncomfortable at first. Oh so many ugly “what ifs” partnered with self-doubt. Ouch. No one wants to deliberately experience that, right? But each time you get uncomfortable checking in with yourself on what choice you need to make in the moment, you start building emotional and logical resilience. Muscle-memory, if you like. You discover how to take care of yourself. Which is not selfish in the least.
As you relax into being mindful of the choice you have at any moment, the possibilities start raining down on you. Your emotional state relaxes; can you find peace instead of struggle? Your logical mind starts extrapolating feasible routes to take instead of running around like a squirrel. Your personal power begins to surge. Your voice now becomes confident. You relax. You become aware. You are now mindful of what you need to be doing. You become aware of how you can best serve those around you.
You are grounding.
You are understanding that you have permission to be you.
Yes, you’re going to stumble. Yes, you’re going to have unpleasant moments. But guess what? We all do. No one is perfect. Everyone is struggling with something. I struggle. But when I catch myself doing so, I remember that I have a choice in the situation. So I remind myself what I need to do to correct my thought pattern. It’s a process and it takes practice. You’ll get the hang of it.
Please don’t be struggling with being you. That’s the first struggle you need to be resolving. Because in doing so - making peace with yourself and not struggling against your soul, you make all the other struggles in your daily life oh so much more manageable.
Remember that you are allowed to be who you are. Breathe. Ground. Re-assess your emotional state. Choose wisely after practicing The Pause. But most of all, be gentle with yourself. I’m giving you permission to do that. I want you to give yourself permission to do that.